Instead, how about I make fun of the questions people keep asking me? If you’re already off to college, you’ve probably already had to face them.

People don’t aim to be unoriginal. They’re just trying to be pleasant and break the ice. It’s innocent, and they mean well. Higher on the list though are questions that aren’t annoying because of obvious answers or repetitiveness, but instead, are a little bit insulting or tasteless one way or another. Probably unintentional, but certainly fair game for making fun of and coughing at.

Every question on here has been asked by at least three people, so don’t be embarrassed if you’ve asked me any of them.
This list is should be taken playfully. Enjoy.

10. “What do you want to do after you graduate in four years?”
If I’m anything like most college graduates, I’ll probably be desperate to get any job at all when I graduate, but I think you wanted to hear about how I’d like to work for Google and change the world with my newly acquired artistic skills, so that’s what we can talk about.

9. “Are you excited?”
Oh come on. What do you think? Of course I’m excited. I’m nervous, too. In fact, I’m everything else that everybody else is right before they go off. Duh.

8. “Do you think you’ll have fun in San Francisco?”
Yes.

7. “August 27th? Isn’t that early/late?”
No.

6. “So, are you going to do anything wild?”
Gee, what could you possibly be looking for with this question? Yes, I’m going to learn to ride a unicycle while juggling live eels, injecting myself with bizarre drugs while wearing a beer hat, and having unprotected group sex while blindfolded. At the same time. And putting it on YouTube. Seriously. What do you expect me to say here?

5. “Did you get all your shopping done?”
Yes.

4. “Do you think you’re ready for college?”
Yes.

3. “Aren’t you grateful for this opportunity?”
Am I the only person that doesn’t like when people ask others if they feel grateful about something? There’s something simultaneously self-righteous and condescending about it, and summons the same awkward feelings as when people try to talk to you about your personal finances. Yes, I’m thankful for my blessings, but I’m also proud of having overcome obstacles.

2. “Aren’t you going to miss your dog though?”
Considering that I’m closer to Sparky than I am to pretty much anything, yes, of course I am. You already knew the answer, so there was no need to ask, but thanks for bringing forth enormous waves of absolute heartbreak by reminding me.

1. “So, are you actually, like, getting a four-year degree? For art? Graphic design, was it?”
With one question, you’ve managed to put down the field I’ve chosen to pursue, question the value of a bachelor’s degree in my field compared to a bachelor’s degree in another field, belittle the amount of time and effort needed to get such a degree, and patronize my scholarly pursuits. Thanks, jerk! Now watch me help design the control interfaces and concept art for the mass-producible robots that take your job and do it better and safer, the advertisements to help sell the robots more quickly to your employer, the cute stationary for your pink slip, and if you’re nice, the web site for you to desperately try to find a new job.

My dorm’s check-in is on August 27th, but we’re heading up a day early. So that’s actually just ten days away.

I’m going to miss my family, friends, and my amazing dog Sparky, but I’ve been waiting to go to college for my whole life and already had to delay it a year because of my health.

It’s almost time. I can hardly wait.